Cheers and Jeers: Rum and 37 Counts FRIDAY!

I Feel Pretty and Witty and…

A few words as we hit the middle of Pride Month:

Do you think homosexuals are revolting? You bet your sweet ass we are!
—1969 leaflet inviting people to the first Gay Liberation Front meeting in New York City

“Here in the people’s House, it’s our duty to protect all the people’s rights and freedoms. … Let’s pass the bipartisan Equality Act to ensure LGBTQ Americans, especially transgender young people, can live with safety and dignity.”
—President Joe Biden, 2023 State of the Union address

“To all those lawmakers out there who are so obsessed with who’s using what bathroom and what plumbing they got downtown: News flash—you’re the weirdos.”
—Stephen Colbert

Continued…

“Parades in New York are usually masquerades. But the point of the Gay Pride parade has always been different; not that these people marching are, above all, homosexuals, but that these homosexuals are, above all, people.”
—Editorial in The New Yorker on the 1987 Pride march

“To my mum, thank you for not crushing my creativity when I was making weird horror movies and dressing in drag as a kid—which is a threat to nobody, by the way.”
—Daniel Scheinert, accepting his Oscar for co-directing Everything Everywhere All at Once. The film, which includes pro-LGBTQ themes, won seven Academy Awards including Best Picture.

“They are a very extensive minority who have suffered discrimination and who have the right to participation in the promise and the fruits of society as every other individual.”
—Rep. Bella Abzug (D-NY), introducing a federal gay rights bill in 1975. 48 years later, we’re still waiting for one to be signed into law.

“My fellow soldiers are really impressed with what I’ve done in Bakhmut, the massive scale of work that I did there, and after that they just don’t care about who I sleep with. … We entered the military and we’re showing that we’re worthy. We’re not hiding somewhere at the back. We’re doing real missions, dangerous missions.”
—Junior Sgt. Ivan Honzyk, whose Ukrainian medical unit evacuates wounded soldiers and provides emergency first aid on the battlefield. As more members of the LGTBQ community fight on the front lines, the greater visibility of gay and lesbian military personnel appears to be acting as a catalyst for wider acceptance in Ukrainian society.

“If God dislikes gays so much, how come he picked Michelangelo, a known homosexual, to paint the Sistine Chapel while assigning Anita Bryant to go on TV and push orange juice?”
—Late Chicago Tribune columnist Mike Royko

And now, our feature presentation…

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Cheers and Jeers for Friday, June 16, 2023

Note: A reminder that tomorrow is Eat Your Vegetables Day. Santa Claus has been monitoring you for compliance via a fichus plant spycam and putting your name on the appropriate list for future reference. If you really want to see that Hammacher Schlemmer hovercraft under the tree in six months, we suggest you get chompin’.  Especially on the kohlrabi. You’re way behind on your kohlrabi.  —Mgt.

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By the Numbers:

Days ’til summer: 5

Days ’til Nashville Pride (ours here in Portland is tomorrow): 8

Months since the Fed hasn’t raised interest rates, as it opted not to do this month: 15

Percent of Black respondents and white respondents, respectively, polled by Pew Research who say they support the Black Lives Matter movement: 81%, 42%

Minimum wage for Mainers that was passed by the state legislature this week: $15

Age of author Cormac McCarthy when he died this week: 89

Current value of my Non-Fungible Token—a crayon drawing of a stick figure holding a bottle of Bacardi 151—on the crypto market as of five minutes ago, down from $4.2 billion six minutes ago: $0

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Puppy Pic of the Day: Weekend plans…

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CHEERS to the Great Reckoning of ’23…and beyond. Congratulations, Sam Alito and you other MAGA orcs on the Supreme Court. A year ago, despite promises you wouldn’t f*ck around with settled law, you overturned the 50-year-old Roe v. Wade decision. Now it’s time for your stupid party to pay for your sins:

A new poll released by Gallup reports record high numbers in support of abortion rights at all stages.

Gallup’s latest poll reported that 69 percent of respondents agree that “abortion should generally be legal in the first three months of pregnancy.” The number outdoes the previous high of 67% reported last May after the draft of Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization was leaked. […]

Another interesting number in the poll was the number of Americans who support banning abortion in all circumstances: 21 percent of respondents supported a total ban in 2019, in 2022 and 2023 that number fell to 13 percent.

We’ll see you at the polls, dumbshits. In “interesting” numbers.

CHEERS to C&J Theater. I was up ’til 3am last night furiously scribbling my latest creative inspiration down on paper until I realized I was actually sleep-scribbling on the 300-year-old priceless wallpaper in our rumpus room. But anyway, it’s my biggest production yet, with a cast of 435. Enjoy…

[Curtain Up]

June 2023, 4pm.

The U.S. HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES is gaveled into session.

GOP REP. ANNA PAULINA LUNA (Rising)
Mr. Speaker, I move we censure California Congressman Adam Schiff of the Demonrat Party, and fine him 16-million dollars, for his role in the House investigation into Russia and the 2016 Trump campaign.

REP. ADAM SCHIFF
(From his seat, barely above a whisper, slowly waving his hand.)
You don’t need to censure me.

HOUSE MEMBERS (in unison)
We don’t need to censure you.

REP. SCHIFF
There will be no 16-million dollar fine.

HOUSE MEMBERS
There will be no 16-million dollar fine.

REP. SCHIFF
I can go about my business.

HOUSE MEMBERS
You can go about your business.

REP. SCHIFF
House is adjourned.

PRESIDING MEMBER (Banging gavel.)
House is adjourned!

GOP REP. ANNA PAULINA LUNA (apoplectic)
Hey! What the hell just happened??!!!

[Lights Out, Curtain Down]

Hey, if Tony Award hoarding is a crime, then lock me up.

JEERS to the difference between then and now. 90 years ago today, Congress passed the bulk of FDR’s ambitious “New Deal” program.  When faced with his own economic calamity 75 years later (no thanks to his asleep-at-the-switch predecessor), our first Black president was met with a wall of GOP resistance in the pursuit of one goal: making him fail. But it was a bit different back in 1933: 

Raymond Moley, a member of FDR’s “brain trust,” said many lawmakers “had forgotten to be Republicans or Democrats” as they dealt with the burgeoning crisis.

Sen. Hiram Johnson (R-Calif.) said: “The admirable trait in Roosevelt is that he has the guts to try. … He does it all with the rarest good nature. … We have exchanged for a frown in the White House a smile. Where there were hesitation and vacillation, weighing always the personal political consequences, feebleness, timidity and duplicity, there are now courage and boldness and real action.” 

The Democrats’ New Deal was necessary, visionary, humane, functional, morale-boosting, and focused on the downtrodden. Exactly what Republicans like to propose, minus the vision, humanity, functionality, morale boost, or focus on the downtrodden. (But which billionaires always give a big Thumbs-Dipped-in-Gold Up.)

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BRIEF SANITY BREAK

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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK

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JEERS to four more years of…him.  On June 16, 1932, President Herbert Hoover was nominated for a second term at the Republican National Convention in Chicago.  It was a lackluster affair, as evidenced by the convention’s official slogan: “We’re Screwed.”  (But it sure looked swell on the rear bumpers of their Packards.)

CHEERS to home vegetation. A quick roundup of stuff that might show up on the tube this weekend, starting with Chris Hayes and the evening lineup doing their Friday night doings they do on MSNBC. At 8:30 Pulitzer-winning author and presidential biographer Jon Meacham lays out his case for reelecting Joe Biden and telling the entire GOP to go pound sand on PBS’s Firing Line. And there’s a The Office marathon on Comedy Central.

The most popular movies and streamers, new and old, are all reviewed here at Rotten Tomatoes. (The Flash and Pixar’s Elemental top the theater marquees.)  Sports schedules: MLB here, and WNBA here. Golf balls (and maybe some heads?) will roll this weekend as the U.S.-Saudi Arabia Open golf tourney airs on NBC. And tomorrow at 3 ABC airs the Special Olympics World Games in Berlin.

The band Red Hot Chili Peppers gets a profile on 60 Minutes, along with reports on the tensions centered around Taiwan and women soldiers fighting for Ukraine who were recently released from Russian captivity.  And then—Hallelujah!—Sunday night at 9 HBO airs the third season premiere of The Righteous Gemstones, which lays bare the insanity, absurdity, and grifterity of the evangelical megachurch Bible thumpers (led here by John Goodman and Danny McBride). Then it’s off to bed and don’t forget to say your prayers, kiddo.

Now here’s your Sunday morning lineup:

CNN’s State of the Union: Former Secretary of Defense Mark Esper; Rep. Mike Turner (The Cult-OH).

Face the Nation: Former U.S. attorney Preet Bharara; former National Security Adviser H.R. McMaster; Sen. Richard Blumenthal (D-CT); former attorney general Bill Barr.

Meet the Press: Mike Pence makes a stop on his Flippity-Floppity I-Stand-For-Everything-And-Nothing tour.

This Week: Sen. Sheldon Whitehouse (D-RI); former governor Asa Hutchinson (The Cult-AR); former governor Larry Hogan (R-MD).

Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: TBA

Happy viewing!

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Ten years ago in C&J: June 16, 2013

JEERS to close calls.  A private jet carrying former president George W. Bush had to make an emergency landing when the pilot smelled smoke. They eventually discovered the problem: Dubya’s neurons started smoldering when he got hold of a newspaper and attempted to solve the Junior Jumble.

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And just one more…

CHEERS to remembering the great terrorist attack of 6/17.  On tomorrow’s date in 2009, President Barack Hussein Obama—less than five months in office—single-handedly stopped an invasion on American soil. In fact, he stopped an attack on the very heart of our government. Remember? The culprit was an intruder who flew in under the cover of darkness while the Secret Service was off drinking and whoring—a grotesque, hairy, devious, foul-mouthed creature intent on sucking the life out of our homeland’s inhabitants. But Obama was onto the plan, and slapped it down with ruthless speed and efficiency.  In fact, it was caught on tape…

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Thanks to his patriotism and quick thinking, the republic endures.

Have a great weekend. Floor’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about today?

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