A new track just dropped over the weekend! With the New Hampshire Republican primary upon us, fans of Nikki Haley released a new song titled the “Nikki Haley Anthem.” The “anthem” is written and performed by musician and songwriter Larry Dvoskin and produced by venture capitalist Tim Draper.
If I had to give it a single-word review, it would likely be “Cringetastic!” or “Painful!” Luckily, I’ve listened to the bewildering song so you don’t have to—unless you really want to. (There will be a link down below for people who enjoy cringe listening.)
The opening of the song harkens back to Toni Basil’s 1981 pop hit “Hey Mickey,” with hand-claps and a handful of people chanting, “Never underestimate, never underestimate me, Nikki, I need Nikki, I need Nikki right now.”
That gives way to the chorus of the song, which we will hear a lot more of for the next four minutes. It’s kind of a rip-off of The Rembrandts’ “I’ll Be There for You,” made famous as the theme song to television’s “Friends.” This version has the lyrics:
We need Nikki right now (to lead our nation)
We need you, Nikki, no doubt (lead the conversation)
This is repeated with “cause families are hurting,” and “we need more freedom, more jobs for certain.” This is followed by more rhyming schemes with words such as “united” and “divided,” and “sorrow” and “tomorrow.” This goes on for an excruciating amount of time, but then, at around the 2:20 mark, Dvoskin does a little rapping:
Now there’s a lot of noise in politics
‘Cause people hitting each other with their great big sticks
But Nikki Haley stands above the rest
Because she’s been fully, fully put to the test
Now with Trump, the bully, who’s afraid to fight
Against 5-inch heels with twice his might
And Biden, who’s dying to drain our reserves,
When the voters come out, he’ll get what he deserves
Yes, Dvoskin did do that. The song goes on for another two wearisome minutes before going out the way it began, with hand-clapping and chanting. Haley’s opinion of the song is not yet known. Jezebel did a breakdown of Haley’s musical tastes last summer based on her public statements and decided the former South Carolina governor seems to like anything that’s playing out loud when she’s around. So that’s something!
The good news for Haley is that while she is far from inspiring the same cult-level following as her opponent Donald Trump, having someone write you a terrible chant is a solid start.
Warning: It’s bad-eriffic!