MAGA World is forever and always awash in weird conspiracy theories. It’s what they do. There’s nothing new there. That’s a dog-bites-man—or Trump-unhinges-jaw-to-swallow-whole-rotisserie-chicken—story if there ever was one. In other words, you see it every day.
What you don’t see every day is MAGAs fretting over the possibility—nay, likelihood—that Donald Trump himself might be leading his faithful flock to the abattoir. These folks are so up to their arses in conspiratorial dreck, they probably think Hitler was still alive and running Germany in absentia until that fateful day when he took the COVID-19 shot.
As Trump prepares to be fingerprinted and mugshot (mugshooted?) in Georgia, he’s summoned his hordes to gather at a rally there. But some folks were too smart for that. What if it’s an FBI setup? You know, like Jan. 6!
Planned for 10 AM Thursday morning, the rally was organized by Laura Loomer, an extreme right-wing anti-Muslim activist whom Trump is naturally enamored with. If you don’t know who Loomer is—well, congratulations. Unlike some of us, you won’t eventually need sizable hunks of your prefrontal cortex languidly scooped out of your head with your grandma’s old melon baller. Unfortunately for Loomer, she’s surrounded herself with “independent thinkers” who think something foul’s afoot.
Trump posted a link to a Newsweek article about the rally on his social media platform, Truth Social, as well as a screenshot of a Loomer post calling on Trump supporters to gather at the jail.
On both Truth Social and X, the Elon Musk-owned platform formerly known as Twitter, conservative users worried that undercover law enforcement officials and antifa activists were behind the rally, planning to use it as a “setup” to arrest Trump supporters.
“Watch out for the FBI and antifa/blm to stir up a riot,” a social media user with the display name “Ultra Maga” wrote.
Other MAGA devotees chimed in as well.
“Be careful, it could be a setup just like the J6,” wrote one commentator on social media.
“Watch out for FBI plants,” stated another.
“They can play havoc with your peaceful plans,” said another Trumpie, who apparently thinks Jan. 6 would have been a Woodstock-style love-in if not for the dread influence of the FBI. (Say, remember when Country Joe & the Fish bear-sprayed Joan Baez? That was weird.)
Of course, Jan. 6 was not an FBI setup designed to “get Trump” and his supporters. The huge mob of violent protesters bashing in cops’ skulls in an effort to forestall Joe Biden’s electoral college victory was kind of a dead giveaway. The loud, sustained chants calling for Mike Pence’s extrajudicial hanging may have been a clue, too.
Weirdly, the idea that Jan. 6 was nothing but a setup has gained a lot of traction since former Fox fish stick fuckwit Tucker Carlson started beating that drum. Though it can’t be true that the Jan. 6 protests were both a false-flag operation designed to make Trump supporters appear violent and, as Trump has said, a completely innocuous nonevent during which protesters were “hugging and kissing” the police. Then again, one of the first rules of MAGA is that it’s fine to hold two entirely contradictory thoughts in one’s head simultaneously, so long as both are favorable to Trump. Consider their insistence that President Joe Biden is both a criminal mastermind and an incoherent, Depends-dependent mess who’s more focused on the beach and ice cream than his job.
Of course, if the FBI does manage to turn the paltry number of protesters showing up at Trump’s arrests into a massive throng—like Christ multiplying loaves and fishes—and then miraculously transforms them into a violent mob, I’ll eat my words.
But in my opinion, the only conspiracy theory that actually seems plausible is that we’re in a simulated universe created to test-market new soda flavors. After Mountain Dew Major Melon came out on Jan. 4, 2021, the system admin gave his login info to his 12-year-old kid and told him to just go nuts with it. And, as y’all well know, things have been weird ever since.
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