Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY!

To send a donation via snail mail:
Bill Harnsberger, 16 Pitt Street, Portland, ME, 04103.

If you’re already a C&J monthly subscriber through PayPal:
You don’t have to do anything but make sure your card is still active
and then feel good about your excellent investment.

Or—and this is my final argument, may God have mercy on my marketing skills—think of it this way: for the price of a cup of coffee per day, you can enjoy both C&J and one less cup of coffee per day!

Together, we can keep the kiddie pool inflated for America and freedom. This concludes our annual fundraiser. Again, thank you for supporting our little oasis from the slings and arrows of outrageous MAGA. We will now turn the oxygen back on.

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Cheers and Jeers for Friday, April 21, 2023

Note: Due to a clerical error, we won’t be able to turn the oxygen back on until next Thursday sometime between 10am and 2pm. In lieu of an apology, we’ll simply express regret in the likely event that you plan to handle this news poorly.  —Time Warner Oxygen

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By the Numbers:

Weeks ’til the start of the Memorial Day weekend: 5

Days ’til the 50th annual Bodega Bay Fisherman’s Festival in California: 8

Percent of calls to the IRS this tax season that connected to a live person, up from 15% last year thanks to Inflation Reduction Act funding: 87%

Average time on hold this year, down from 27 minutes last year: 4 minutes

Final day that DVDs will be shipped in the iconic red-and-white envelopes to customers from Netflix: 9/29/23

Estimated number of DVDs Netflix has shipped across the U.S.: 5 billion

National rank of Mainers among Americans most likely to see a supernatural phenomenon, according to the oddsmakers at Great Lakes Stakes: #1

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Puppy Pic of the Day: Weekend plans…

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CHEERS to the weekend. It’s Friday night in Ron DeSantis’s America. We end the week as it began: with war, Republicans plotting to kill democracy, LGBTQ hysteria, cataclysmic man-made climate change, a uniquely-American gun fetish, and a generation of young’uns who will be far worse off than their parents, who are themselves worse off than their parents. But it’s the weekend, so lets not concern ourselves with such brain clutter, because as of yesterday Marjorie Taylor-Greene is a step closer to winning a one-way trip to Mars…

I just opened a bottle of ripple. Would you like to sniff the screw cap first? I’m told that last Tuesday was an excellent year.

CHEERS to the rapidly-decaying third planet from one of the millions of suns in the universe. Tomorrow is Earth Day, an event we celebrate every year to remind ourselves that we do not, in fact, have to be the biggest parasites on the third rock from the sun, we choose to be. Unlike the other parasites, we know what we’re doing to this planet…and how…and why…and the kinds of things we must do to stop turning it into a ball of uninhabitable human-made garbage.

As an inhabitant of this spectacular planet, I’ll continue to try and treat it with the respect it deserves, mainly by following the Four Rs: “Reject, Replace, and Reduce Republicans.”

CHEERS to rebuffing rabid Republicans.  Sixty-nine years ago tomorrow, the Senate Army-McCarthy hearings began. The villain was Ann Coulter’s hero (really, seriously)—a first-class jerk and pre-Ted-Cruz Ted Cruz named Joseph McCarthy, aided and abetted by future Trump lawyer Roy Cohn (really, seriously)—for whom it went very badly:

[T]he Army–McCarthy hearings ultimately became the main catalyst in McCarthy’s downfall from political power. Daily newspaper summaries were increasingly unfavorable toward McCarthy, while television audiences witnessed firsthand the unethical tactics of the junior Senator from Wisconsin.

On December 2, 1954, the Senate voted 67–22 to censure McCarthy, effectively eradicating his influence, though not expelling him from office. …

After his censuring, Senator McCarthy continued his anti-Communist oratory, often speaking to an empty or near-empty Senate chamber.

Turning increasingly to alcohol, McCarthy died of hepatitis on May 2, 1957, at age 48.

Spoiler alert: At long last, he had no sense of decency.

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BRIEF SANITY BREAK

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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK

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CHEERS to going back in time half a century (your time travel coordinates may vary). Happy Kindergarten Day. It’s the day when we fondly look back and remember those golden moments sitting around in a big building eating paste, running around with shoes untied, making crude misspelled signs on construction paper with giant markers, not making it to the bathroom in time, throwing tantrums, enjoying extended nappy time, and babbling constant nonsense with no particular point. Or As the House Freedom Caucus calls it: Friday.

CHEERS to home vegetation. While we’re waiting for April showers to bring May flowers, might as well kick back in the living room hammock and catch some screen time. The Supreme Court’s abortion pill decision and fallout from the week’s other big stories will be front and center tonight on MSNBC. Yours truly will be live-tweeting the Star Trek silly-but-still-classic episode Spock’s Brain (H&I Network, 8pm) at hashtag #allstartrek. And there’s a new episode of Whose Line Is It Anyway? at 9 on the CW.

The most popular movies and streamers, new and old, are all reviewed here at Rotten Tomatoes. (Chevalier is getting great reviews and sounds like it would be a natural double-feature with Amadeus). The NHL schedule is here, the NBA playoff schedule is here, and the Major League Baseball schedule is here. 

On 60 Minutes: the medical personnel on the ground in earthquake-rattled Syria and Turkey, a likely softball puff piece on one of the lead organizers of the January 6th insurrection, and a profile of Nicholas Cage. At 8, Homer publicly shames a pop singer and incurs the wrath of social media on The Simpsons, and Peter becomes a night watchman at the Pawtucket Brewery on Family Guy. Sunday night HBO includes new episodes of Succession and Barry, and the weekend wraps with a new edition of John Oliver’s Last Week Tonight.

Now here’s your Sunday morning lineup:

Meet the Press: Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL); Gov. Chris Sununu (The Cult-NH). 

This Week: Sen. Mark Warner (D-VA); Rep. Nancy Mace (The Cult-SC); Director of Local Policy at Giffords Law Center to Prevent Gun Violence Allison Anderman; Apex, North Carolina chief of police Jason Armstrong.

Face the Nation: TBA

CNN’s State of the Union: Sens. Amy Klobuchar (D-MN) and Lindsey Graham (The Cult-SC); Democratic strategist Paul Begala.

Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Rep. Debbie Dingell (D-MI); Gov. Asa Hutchinson (The Cult-AR).

Happy viewing!

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Ten years ago in C&J: April 21, 2013

JEERS to People magazine. I noticed this little blurb next to a related photo in their latest issue:

Friends (who knew?) Justin Timberlake and Kiefer Sutherland put on their game faces while golfing in Brentwood.

Yes, who on earth could’ve ever known about a friendship between two super-celebrity people? Golly, I dunno…perhaps some people could publish a magazine that keeps track of such super-celebrity people. Why, I’ve got the perfect name: PEOPLE!!!  What a simple solution. (Who knew?)

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And just one more…

CHEERS to Hannibal’s favorite son.  Mark Twain, a man whose bullshit detector went to 11, died 113 years ago today, on April 21, 1910. He went out just as he predicted—with Halley’s comet. But not before Mr. Samuel Langhorne Clemens pumped out decades of literary brilliance and observational wit whose edge is still razor-sharp:

“Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.”

“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”

“Always respect your superiors; if you have any.”

“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”

“Conservatism is the blind and fear-filled worship of dead radicals.”

“It is not best that we should all think alike; it is a difference of opinion that makes horse races.”

“Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been.”

“It’s easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled.”

He was anti-slavery, pro-women’s rights, clear-eyed about religion, and a supporter of labor unions. Occasionally humorous, too. Pay your respects here. But don’t offer him one of his beloved cigars, please. Those things can kill ya.

Have a great weekend. Floor’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about today?

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